she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
