I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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