Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
