there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
