The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ladies don't puke and tell
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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