went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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