Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
