I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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