He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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