once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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