apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
