Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
