Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
