I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
