i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
