the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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