I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
