The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My penis needs a shock collar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
