wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
