I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
