One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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