just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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