You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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