My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
