Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize