Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
