why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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