I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
