"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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