So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
