i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
