so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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