dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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