Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
