I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
