so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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