I think i peed on brittanys purse
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
