i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
