Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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