i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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