Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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