God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
