I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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