Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
