he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never joke about your clitoris.
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