based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
