we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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