Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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