I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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