Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Operation Purity has been aborted
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
