Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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