The maid of honor just puked.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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