overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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