First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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