I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
