Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
