he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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