But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
