If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize