how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
