There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
