does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
