it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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