my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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