Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
