Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
