I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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