ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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