If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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