do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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