i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
