Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
