i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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