I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
