i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
