I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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