I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
