Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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