If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
