I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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