Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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